You Get Good at What You Practice

Until recently, the story I told myself was that watching my kids on my own for an extended period of time was stressful. It seemed that my patience was finite, that I could only take so much before I needed a break or lost my cool. These experiences could lead to an apparently logical and convenient conclusion: that I’m just not that good at parenting small children—that it just doesn’t suit my nature and therefore perhaps my wife should take this part of running our household. 

I say “apparently logical” because these last few weeks, I’ve had the chance to experience the principle that you get good at what you practice. My wife is in a play and she has evening rehearsals. This has meant that I got to spend the latter part of the day alone with our two small children. It was quite stressful at times, but I gradually got better at it and this last time, watching them was gloriously fun. (Fingers crossed that it stays that way.) Early on, I found myself distracted and impatient, wanting to get to other to-do’s. When the going got tough, I would sometimes resort to putting on a movie or a show. Gradually, I learned to be more present to my children. We learned to work together on evening animal and garden chores. We read more stories, played more games, and even started studying Latin together. My 1.5 year old daughter didn’t cry any more when I put her in her crib, and my 3.5 year old got better and better at assisting with the bed-time routine. 

It occurs to me that many of the things that we consider fixed about our personalities are actually skills and therefore more flexible. The skills are not always easy to acquire and so we sometimes avoid learning them by saying that we are just such and such a type of person. “I’m an introvert and therefore bad at networking. I’m an extrovert and therefore bad at being alone. I’m a care-free spirit and therefore disorganized. I’m impatient and therefore not so good with small children.” 

This week, I invite you to consider: 

Where in my life have I told myself that I can’t change because it is my personality to be a certain way? What would change for me if I viewed the change I seek as a skill to master? 

God bless,
Dan

P.S. Thanks to my friend Ryan Shea for sharing this principle with me in college.