How to Get Good at Being Rejected

Getting good at being rejected is why I am married. When I first asked the woman who is now my wife on a date, she said “No,” but she was so struck by my reaction that a week later we went on our first date. What preceded all this was that my coach had challenged me to do two things: actually ask women out and practice creating a great experience for them even if their answer was “no.”

In his book called Super Habits, Andrew V. Abela defines resilience as “the superhabit for enduring mental challenges like sorrow, anxiety, and depression.” He shares a fascinating way to practice this habit (from Jia Jang’s TED Talk and his book Rejection Proof):

“Once a day, for thirty days, ask someone for something where you know the answer will be no. Start simply—go to a clothing store and ask if they sell a brand that you know they don’t sell. If you’re a student, ask a professor for an extension on your assignment, if you know that she typically doesn’t allow that. Try this kind of question for a few days.

When you get used to hearing the word no without wincing, then you can move on to harder questions. Examples that Jia tried: ask a stranger to borrow one hundred dollars. Ask for a ‘burger refill’. Ask a donut shop if they could sell you five donuts linked just like the Olympic symbol. (This last one ‘backfired’ for Jia when a keen Krispy Kreme employee actually did it.) After thirty days of this exercise, you will have begun to build resilience—you’ll be able to ask for things without as much fear of rejection as you used to have.” 

This week, I invite you to ask: 

How do I relate to rejection? What is it costing me to avoid rejection? How would my life change if I got more comfortable with it? What is the next request that I could make to practice? 

God bless,
Dan